Don't Eat With Your Mouth Full

Where can we live but days?

steepholm steepholm
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Letters We'd Like to See
Dear Eric Pickles,

I am writing to protest in the strongest possible terms at the intrusive presence of CCTV cameras in supermarkets, newsagents and other shops. Current legislation appears to give shop owners a snooper's charter - allowing them to vicitimize shoplifters such as myself, no matter how trivial our thefts. From the cameras' numbers and positioning it's hard to avoid the conclusion that they are placed with the specific intention of catching people out. Some shops even boast that they "Always Prosecute" - a truly brazen admission of vindictiveness.

Isn't it about time that the Government stepped in to protect ordinary, decent citizens, who may be doing nothing more harmful than palming a tin of baked beans or a packet of cheese for their own consumption, and started going after the real criminals, such as the speeding drivers whose recklessness causes over 3,000 deaths and serious injuries in the UK every year?

Isn't it time you got your priorities straight?

All the best,

Winona Barnett

Dear Dr Swift,

I know who Eric Pickles is, but I'm afraid that I do not recognize the name Winona Barnett, nor has Google been much help in unraveling the allusion. Can you help?

With sincerity,
Puzzled Beyond the Seas

I was a bit stuck for a signatory, so I made a portmanteau of the first two shoplifters that came to mind.

Ah, got it. Thank you. The first one I knew about; the other was unknown to me, either as person or shoplifter.

Pickles is such a tit!

He was backbench rentaquote in the previous Tory administration and often held forth on things about which he knew damn all!

The mystery of his having been given a ministerial post is only trumped by the mystery of his not having been sacked from it long since.

I suspect the view amongst the public school members of the Cabinet is that Pickles reaches the constituencies they can't.


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