Alan Bennett’s Die Hard.
It’s just another ordinary day at Frampton Regis Post Office and General Store, until a group of masked ruffians burst in. At first it seems they’re after the pensions, but it soon becomes clear that their real object is to thwart the planned by-pass, scheduled to run straight through a nearby area of Special Scientific Interest. They stage a sit-down protest, refusing to leave until the Council sends someone to “talk seriously” about it. But they have reckoned without Special Constable John McVitie. McVitie had only popped in for a packet of macaroons, and happened to be bending over to remove his cycle clips when the assault began, and was thus out of sight behind the greeting cards. Now, armed with nothing but his trusty ballpoint pen and regulation notebook, he must take on the forces of NIMBY.
In Wight, writer-director Spinney Oglander plays a bespectacled, neurotic tour guide. An Islander through and through, he has never set foot on the mainland, and sees no reason to do so now. Despite a good job telling visitors the history of Carisbrooke Castle he feels fundamentally unfulfilled, as he frequently explains to his longsuffering GP. That is, until he meets daffy Cynthia Chaplin, his opposite number at Osborne House... Stunningly shot, and full of the Jutish humour for which Oglander is renowned (“I saw a grey squirrel once. On black-and-white TV, it was”) Wight is a landmark film – and indeed the real star is arguably the Island itself. Sit back and prepare for a breathless open-top bus ride through its many vistas, from the moneyed sophistication of Cowes to the louche insouciance of Blackgang Chine.
Once Upon a Time in the West
“Thar’s tin in them thar hills,” cries old Padstow Pete, the grizzled “character” who haunts St Austell bus station. But before he is able to tell anyone exactly where, he— [that’s enough stupid films. Ed]