steepholm (steepholm) wrote,
steepholm
steepholm

Disordered Border Personalities

Whenever I stay at a luxury hotel in Davos, I seem to be kept awake by the same couple rowing in the next room. It usually goes something like this...

Bob:You used to be so much more fun when we first moved in together. Remember those “friends with benefits” days? What went wrong?

Thelma: Some of us have grown up. Look Bob, I need to know where this relationship is going.

Bob: Why does it have to be “going” anywhere? Isn’t what we have already good enough for you?

Thelma: Because that’s what relationships are like! They mature, and deepen – or they go sour.

Bob [grumpily]: I suppose this is about wanting a joint bank account again.

Thelma: It would be so much easier if we didn’t have to keep moving money back and forth, that’s all. Besides, we already have a kitty for a the housekeeping.

Bob: And you’re always on at me to put more in, even though most of it goes on food for your cats. Anyway, a bit of independence is healthy.

Thelma: You know your trouble, Bob? You’re afraid of commitment!

Bob: And you’re the kind of person who’s not happy unless our CD collections have been merged and every room is painted the same shade of Almost Apricot.

Thelma: You agreed to that!

Bob: I was drunk. It was late. You’d been on at me for hours.

Thelma: I know what this is about. It’s her, isn’t it?

Bob: Who?

Thelma: Oh, don’t act innocent. I heard you on the phone the other night. Giggling about your “special relationship”.

Bob: We were reminiscing!

Thelma: Right! You’re kidding yourself. She wouldn’t look twice at you now, the way you’ve let yourself go.

Bob: Bitch.

Thelma: Bastard. Why don't you just leave?

Bob: One day I'll take you up on that.

Thelma: Ha! You wouldn't last a week...

Etc. ad nauseam

It only occurred to me today how much the arguments between the UK and the rest of the EU echo the clichés of a bad relationship.

But who will be Marjorie Proops?
Tags: current affairs
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