Bob:You used to be so much more fun when we first moved in together. Remember those “friends with benefits” days? What went wrong?
Thelma: Some of us have grown up. Look Bob, I need to know where this relationship is going.
Bob: Why does it have to be “going” anywhere? Isn’t what we have already good enough for you?
Thelma: Because that’s what relationships are like! They mature, and deepen – or they go sour.
Bob [grumpily]: I suppose this is about wanting a joint bank account again.
Thelma: It would be so much easier if we didn’t have to keep moving money back and forth, that’s all. Besides, we already have a kitty for a the housekeeping.
Bob: And you’re always on at me to put more in, even though most of it goes on food for your cats. Anyway, a bit of independence is healthy.
Thelma: You know your trouble, Bob? You’re afraid of commitment!
Bob: And you’re the kind of person who’s not happy unless our CD collections have been merged and every room is painted the same shade of Almost Apricot.
Thelma: You agreed to that!
Bob: I was drunk. It was late. You’d been on at me for hours.
Thelma: I know what this is about. It’s her, isn’t it?
Thelma: Oh, don’t act innocent. I heard you on the phone the other night. Giggling about your “special relationship”.
Bob: We were reminiscing!
Thelma: Right! You’re kidding yourself. She wouldn’t look twice at you now, the way you’ve let yourself go.
Thelma: Bastard. Why don't you just leave?
Bob: One day I'll take you up on that.
Thelma: Ha! You wouldn't last a week...
Etc. ad nauseam
It only occurred to me today how much the arguments between the UK and the rest of the EU echo the clichés of a bad relationship.
But who will be Marjorie Proops?